A Little Bit Of Perspective Would Be Nice (Part I)

Wed, 21 Jul 2010 02:02:01 +0100

What’s worse than getting raped?

Forgetting to cover leftover salad with clingwrap.

Then you sit with the trauma of soggy salad. This is a true event. It actually happened. I forgot to cover leftover salad with clingwrap! God help us! And I got scolded for it like a childrens! By a fellow female being. Who is two years older than me.

Rape being worse than soggy salad is obviously a joke, but I’m just saying it to illustrate how some people are so full of shit (shit that smells of the liliest lilley of the valley and strawberry-flavored teddy bear farts, by the way) and so self-involved that the pettiest thing upsets them to no end. Some people also can’t take a joke. Where does this sense of entitlement come from? This holier-than-thou attitude, this self-righteousness? In this universe (our known universe at that) you are but a flea on a dog’s back, yet some people carry on as if they were the directors behind the scenes when the universe happened.

What some highly-strung people need to realize is that there are worse things in this world than making a tactless joke or aiming a kettle at a fridge. This too, is a true story. Okay, let me explain: In this case the kettle in the communal kitchen in the house I’m staying at is positioned next to the fridge; I went into the kitchen like I normally do and switched the kettle on for my morning coffee without taking a second glance at it. Just the usual routine, like I’ve done before countless times. ‘Please don’t aim the kettle at the fridge! Bad idea. Very bad idea.’ What I didn’t realize was that the kettle was facing the fridge, making the steam go up against the side of the fridge. And that’s all it did. Steam just went up the side of the fridge while the kettle was boiling. Holy Mother of Pearl I deserve to die! I ask of you, who in their right mind purposely goes into people’s kitchens and specifically aims kettles at the nearest object?

But I digress. For those people that belong to the Uptight Club: Get over yourselves, please! Yes, I know I’m not perfect and I’m guilty now and again of being absorbed in my own problems, because they’re MY problems, and they belong to ME, therefore they need all MY time and attention. But I can say with utmost certainty that I don’t fret about the tiniest little thing. Except when I’m angry. Or on my period. Or when I’m tired. Or when I’m sober. Or when I’m awake. Other than that, I can actually be a pretty easy-going person and I can be very accepting of others. Just don’t cross me or I’ll shoot your motherfucking face off. Anyway, enough about me me me.

To be continued...

Thought Of The Day

Wed, 7 Jul 2010 00:57:23 +0100

How can one be perfect in an imperfect world?

The Whore Complex II

Tue, 6 Jul 2010 22:14:12 +0100

...Continued

My very first crush was a beautiful example of a man with a whore complex. He constantly cheated on every girlfriend he had, and I wasn’t the only one he cheated with. He was the second man I ever slept with, and at the time I wasn’t aware that he had a girlfriend. He had odd patterns of disappearing for a while and then he’d come running back to me. On. Off. On. Off. Later on I found out about his girlfriend/s but I carried on sleeping with him regardless. Now why would I do such a nasty thing? Because I spat my morals out underneath a bridge a long time ago.

Moving swiftly along: l’d ask him out of curiosity why he cheated so much. And he would say: ‘Once I’m married I’ll stop’. Uhuh. Men with whore complexes almost always cheat on their wives – marriage is no deterrent. Another interesting thing about ol’ ‘Michael’ was that he was very religious. A Bible was a permanent fixture on his bedside table and I would often catch a glimpse of it while we were doing our ‘dirty, sinful deed’.

I don’t want to make this whole post about religion in case I get executed by some religious fanatic, or even worse – a religious fanatic with a whore complex – but I thought it would be interesting if I added this: Some of my clients with whore complexes were also very religious. Whether Muslim, Christian, Jewish or whatever. Now, we all know what it says in those scriptures about virginally pure women and all the rest being heathens.

In my experience with some of these men, their religious views caused difficulty in their lives, they had inner struggles – they were confused about indulging in carnal sins with sluts – but at the same time they hated themselves for going against their ‘moral fiber’ and their god’s commandments by desiring and having sex with these ‘defiled’ women. It is the equivalent of a gay man, who, because it’s supposedly wrong to be gay, is in denial, but cannot help himself for liking men, and hates himself for being so ‘weak’. And then he indulges in promiscuous sex with men, gets caught up in cycles of self-destruction, hating the very men with which he ‘degrades’ himself. He finds it impossible to love these men. Therefore it is his own hatred, his personal, innermost hatred, projected onto others, because it’s easier to hate others, than to look at yourself and your own limitations.

Some men with a severe whore complex marry a version of their mothers.They might even go off sex completely with their wives, because it is inappropriate to have sex with ‘mother’. If you as a woman are married to such a man, and you feel exhausted from mothering him all the time, you may be married to a man with a whore/madonna complex. You may find that a relationship with such a man is never fulfilling, is extremely difficult and can take a toll on your self-esteem.

If you walk in on him masturbating to porn rather than having sex with you, he is either not attracted to you anymore or he might have a whore/madonna complex. Do keep in mind that many men still masturbate while in healthy sexual relationships, the difference here is that he doesn’t have sex with you at all and would rather jerk off to images of ‘two horny sluts getting rammed by huge cock’.

This type of man also feels the entitlement that his wife is his possession. If she cheats – or in some cases – even just engages in conversation with another man, she crashes the view he had of her and he will strike upon her in furious anger, whether going so far as physically harming her, or completely removing her from his life. This fuels his hate for women, for sluts. He may never trust a woman ever again and never be happy with one. So he’ll just use women in his own form of revenge towards womankind, not realizing that the one person he is hurting more is himself.

Quickie
This is the type of man who is most likely to say:
‘You don’t go down on your wife!’

The Whore Complex I

Tue, 4 May 2010 23:18:27 +0100

Oh looky here, guys, the post I planned for later in the week has now arrived earlier than scheduled. It must be your lucky day! Quick, go and buy a Lotto ticket. Then come back and read this post that I lovingly crafted just for you:

To a man with a whore complex, you, as a woman, as a human being with a healthy sex drive, you – yes you, womyn – are the poster porn star of a disposable sex object. You are there to look sexy, to be leered at and to be available sexually. And that’s fundamentally all you are. The whore complex is also one of the many reasons why some men find it difficult to commit to one partner (their idea of the perfect, pure woman is impossible to obtain) or are constantly unfaithful to their wives.

Whore complex man will not get emotionally involved with you, nor will he get to know you as a person, because how can one possibly get to know an object? He is almost psychopathic in his views of women; the way he can coldly dismember their souls from their sexuality and how there is an almost robotic quality in his sexual interactions with them.

But when it comes to having a wife, it’s a whole different matter altogether. Whore complex man has his wife up on a pedestal. She, of the virginal essence will wear the symbolic white on the wedding day. She (preferably) has to be a virgin or at least not sexually liberated when he marries her. She will be well behaved. She certainly has to act like a wife: she must be able to keep a home and be a good mother to his children. When he does manage to have sex with her it is just vanilla sex in the missionary position, merely a means to alleviate his sexual instincts. He will not experiment sexually with her – doggy style is out of the question! He cannot desecrate his wife like that! The boundaries between a slut and a wife cannot  be blurred.

Where problems arise though, is that sex is quite a big factor in a marriage,  it is a means of communicating emotional closeness in a physical sense. Sex lives can become stale in a long partnership if all you’re doing is going through the motions.Therefore sex with his wife is boring, and perhaps she is also aloof or sexually conservative (she too, could have issues with sex). He could perhaps also get to a stage where he loses respect for his wife when doing sexual acts with her, so sometimes he will refrain from having sex completely with her in a futile attempt to keep her ‘pure’.

But everybody needs a bit of variety and most people have sex drives. So what does he do? He goes to the ‘sluts’ with whom he feels free to experiment with sexually of course. Sexually liberated women who are very good in bed. The whore is reserved for what he can’t do with his wife: 69ers, doggy style, anal sex, bondage and perhaps even golden showers or other extreme fetishes. He enjoys all this thoroughly, but up to a point. Other than sexually, they have nothing in common. He would never fall in love with her, because he’s made that physical/sexual and emotional separation. He enjoys her body and body only. In fact, in his mind, she’s not even really a human being.

I feel for his wife, because even if he’s a good, loving husband, he’ll have countless affairs with other women to get his kicks. She may never find out about his double life or rather, his double personality, but if she does find out, I suppose the only consolation for her is that she has his heart, and the others only have his dick.

To be continued...

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes – Turn And Face The Strange

Tue, 4 May 2010 15:35:46 +0100

Some of you may have been wondering why I’ve been so quiet. If none of you have been wondering, then that really upsets me and I’ll strongly contemplate committing blog suicide in the near future. Please keep that in mind. Anyway, the reason that I haven’t posted in a while is because I’ve moved to a different country. Yesirree, I packed up all my things and headed for a strange land yet to be tainted by me. Right now I’m just trying to settle in and I’m also spending most of my time looking for a job which leaves me with little time to blog. Seems like the freelance freak show performers industry is saturated here. This country is full of freaks! But more about my life in a new country later...
Other than that, I’d like to move my blog to Wordpress as iWeb is too basic a blogging platform for me. However, this won’t happen anytime soon as I don’t have enough time yet to dedicate to an entire blog overhaul. I would also like to start on my memoir some time this year. I was thinking it would be a better idea if I make my memoir separate to this blog. I still have many observations and would like to reserve aspotofblog for that. The memoir will take a lot of planning so I’m not quite sure how to get started on it. Once that’s up and going I’ll post the link to it.
That’s all for now folks, I hope to churn out another post before the week is over.
Take care of yourselves.

Perfect Lives IV

Mon, 8 Mar 2010 17:43:51 +0000

...Continued
Love the person, not the ideal.
If you’re in a relationship in which you’re both balanced individuals and people in your own right, and you have an equal understanding and appreciation of each other for simply being, and you were fortunate enough to have met each other with that same outlook at the same stage in life: Good for you. I’m starting to think that such partnerships aren’t that common – a lot of partnerships are borne out of imbalance – each partner seeking to Band-Aid the gaps in one another, sometimes in an attempt to avoid themselves. If you’re single, good for you too, because that makes you a WHOLE person in your own right, which is something many singles don’t seem to realize.
Furthermore, you don’t need a relationship to make you happy. On the contrary, I’ve seen singles that are happier than some of the miserable, pussy-whipped husbands or run-down martyr-housewife/mothers who gave up on themselves a long time ago and don’t have a crumb of their self-esteem left.
You are two individuals, so how can you expect a relationship to seamlessly fit together? No matter how much you’d like to think you are ONE, you are not. In relationships, some of us are often prone to say US and WE. So much so, that you start losing your identity. Yes, you are a team, but it’s not always US. Sometimes it’s simply YOU and ME. You have your own pasts, experiences, personalities and all that stuff that makes us unique individuals. And of course you’ll have your differences – you are two separate individuals – remember that.
Therefore you shouldn’t necessarily see your differences as negative, but rather a normal, healthy part of any relationship. You have differences with your family, friends, boss, colleagues, so why should a relationship with your partner, someone you live with and share your life with on a DAILY basis be any different? In fact, you’ll have even more differences because you share your intimate space with this person.
Relationships wherein both partners lead their own lives and have their own separate interests, to my mind, are the most successful. If you are Siamese twins in your relationship, you will only breed gremlins of contempt later on. Although it’s natural in the beginning of your relationship to want to spend ALL your time together because of that love rush, there comes a time where you need to give each other space to breathe.
What’s also interesting is that in the beginning of many a relationship, some of us have impossible expectations of our partners; we have a mental check-list of them that is simply impossible to fulfill. No one person can be everything to you that you need. If more people realized that, I believe there’d be fewer divorces and breakups. Sometimes your partner will be wonderful in some areas and sometimes they will disappoint you in others. In relationships you need to be able to deal with all of your partner, because if you live together you will be seeing all of your partner, the good and the ugly.
In many of the mature relationships I’ve seen, as the relationship evolves and they get to a stage where they know each other well, they let a lot of stuff slide and they become much more relaxed with one another, because they know each other’s limitations and weaknesses, and have learned to accept them. They don’t argue about socks left on the floor because it’s a waste of energy and it doesn’t add anything to the relationship. You’re not in the relationship to change and mould your partner to what you’d like them to be. Your partner will only resent you for that.
Go into your relationship wide awake, knowing that there will be ups and downs. At times you will feel like leaving. At other times you will feel content. You will know, even without the advice of others, deep-down when it’s time to leave for good, or whether you want to invest in the relationship. No one knows your relationship better than you do, so you should know what’s best for you.
Relationships aren’t a happy-ever-after love story that you can fit into a two hour movie.
Relationships are epic; they stretch over hours, mornings, afternoons, restful nights, restless nights, weeks, months, years, hot sex, average sex, no sex, laundry, rejection, heartbeats, loneliness, birthdays, creaking cupboards, hugs, tears, apathy and empathy. You’ve got to take the good with the bad. That is the reality.
Perfect in its imperfection.

Perfect Lives III

Thu, 18 Feb 2010 10:14:51 +0000

... Continued
I can’t concentrate on my own writing lately and I’m guilty of going off on tangents, so herewith yet another shortened installment of Perfect Lives. Ha ha, it sounds like a soap. *insert cheesy cruise ship music here* Here goes:
Some time ago an acquaintance confided in me (she and her fiancee have been together for about four years now) that their relationship ‘itch’ started at the four year mark. They have a one-year old son together, and ever since he came along, things have been difficult between them. They’re working things out in their own way, as an additional little person that demands your time and care is a big adjustment.
Then I know yet another couple, also with a one-year old. They’ve been together since she was 14, so this relationship spans over at least 16 years. The wife started seeing her husband differently once their child came along, and although she still loves him, she has subsequently lost her sexual attraction to him.
She started having an emotional affair with her boss a while ago. Whether the relationship with her boss is also physical or not, I can’t tell you, because she didn’t mention it. She is besotted with her boss, saying that she has never felt about a man like she does about him. Her husband is a great partner and father though, so she feels extremely torn and confused about her feelings and it’s causing her a lot of heartache and guilt.
I can also surmise that after 16 years of being together with a child thrown into the mix that such a relationship, with all the shared history between the two of them, is not something that she can easily let go of, despite her loss of attraction to him. This could either be a stage in which she needs to get used to the big adjustment of hormonal changes and having a child and all the ups and downs involved in a partnership, or maybe it is permanent. Perhaps the feelings that she has for her boss isn’t helping her view of her husband either. Only time will tell what’ll happen with their marriage.
Then there’s another couple, also married for a long time, also with a one-year old. (Yes, I know many married couples with one-year olds. I’m not making this stuff up, honestly)! Their relationship is taking strain and they are snappy with one another lately, even in front of others. But hey, nobody ever said that marriage with children is easy. Then there’s my relationship. It is dysfunctional, that I will admit. It partly has to do with my depression, but it’s a long story, so I’ll leave it at that for now.
I admit that I have a Ph.D. in cynicism, but as a cynicism specialist, it’s my JOB to show the other, less pretty side. We all fear the ugly side of life, but it’s there. Can’t get away from it no matter how much you try to sugarcoat it. To expect that your dizzy in-love stage is going to last forever is simply delusional. To expect that the sex between you is going to be 9 1/2 weeks on a daily basis forever and ever is also delusional.
That’s one reason why there are many serial daters, because they just can’t handle the come-down from their lust trip. It’s then, when reality sets in, that they realize they cannot deal with the real person behind the lust haze. Some of them simply don’t want to face the reality and become addicted to that rush. Once it wears off, they’re onto their next fix. This is when they think: ‘Oh well, if I feel like this about him/her, certainly this person can’t be right for me’. But it’s not necessarily that he/she is the wrong person, it’s rather that relationships go through a natural evolution, from in-love and in lust, to a more earthy, understanding kind of love and mutually supportive, comfortable companionship. Some people consciously avoid the cosiness of long-term relationships because they find them boring and because they don’t feel like settling for an exclusively monogamous lifestyle.
But the movies tell us otherwise about relationships. If I’ve ever seen a gross misrepresentation of relationships, it’s been in romantic movies. Real life long-term relationships simply aren’t like that. Yet little girls grow up searching for that guy. The One. The One who will rescue them and make all the bad go away.
It’s okay to dream about having a blissful relationship, but it also hurts more when those high expectations are shattered. The higher and more unrealistic one’s expectations, the more one sets oneself up for disappointment. If I go into something with no expectations, and it doesn’t work out for me, I find that it doesn’t bother me as much and I don’t get a sense that I have failed, since I didn't set an ideal for myself in the first place. Not that I’m saying goals and expectations are stupid, but I think an added dose of reality can save a lot of people from unnecessary pain.
But, having said that, in a way it is pretty natural too, to recoil from ‘bad’ emotions and the ugly things in life because simply put, they aren’t pleasant to experience. So in a sense the human-condition is a hedonistic party-seeking slut. We want to avoid the pain and uncertainty in life as much as we can and surround ourselves with prettier things, prettier experiences, prettier memories.
That’s why some people seem superficial and self-medicate in a myriad of different ways, where in essence, they are not necessarily superficial, they are just trying to get away from a life that’s not always perfect. Because lets be honest here, life can sometimes be an unbearable, cruel, bitch. But I think we need to embrace all of the human condition with the unpleasant and the pleasant. In its terrible ugliness and its unbelievable beauty.
Next week on Perfect Lives IV:  My brother who was unknowingly buried alive but then managed to escape from the coffin comes knocking on my door. We fall in love and get secretly married but then he confesses that he isn’t my brother but my cousin I met in a past life who was a king and had an affair with me and then I lost my head because I became too ugly for him. This news saddens and offends me and I have to make a drastic decision...