A Spot Of Warning

  1. •I’m not forcing you to read this blog, so if you’re a sensitive individual, rather go here or here.

  2. •If you are a perfect human being who is pure of soul, and free of sin in thoughts and actions, you are too good for this blog and for this planet and I order you to leave and go to heaven right now.

  3. •I’m an unsavory character. I am the nightmare in the broken mirror, the part of you, you never hope to see. Sometimes, bad circumstances unfortunately have a terrible way of hardening your emotional arteries and turning you into the human being you never hoped to be. I also don’t have many friends which says a great deal, so either spare yourself or hold me up as an example of what happens when bad things happen to good people.

  4. •The holier than thous: Please take your pedestal, your high horse or whatever other moral throne you look down from, elsewhere. This is a blog for people who’ve made mistakes in their lives, they happen to be human beings who aren’t flawless like you.

  5. •Did I say I’m god-like? No, I didn’t. So stop nit-picking.

  6. •My brain has a hole somewhere and my IQ is leaking out of it. I’m dumb as shit and I am aware of it, thank you.

  7. •The spell-checkers and grammar checkers. I don’t have a resident proofreader here on my shoulder, and for you to expect me to spot each and every mistake I make on this blog is unrealistic – try running a blog that contains thousands of words and see for yourself. However, you are welcome to come and live with me and be my proofreader monkey, peer over my shoulder and point out my mistakes as I type along. This will be on a pro bono basis and you’ll get free coffee.

  8. •Dear Haters. It’s very easy for you to hate me from behind the anonymity of a computer screen and post a hateful comment. Just as it is easy for me to hate you from behind this blog. But here’s my question to you: How much does it take to run a blog and put your life-honest vulnerabilities on the line? And how easy is it to write a nasty comment? So smoke my socks, exhale slowly and think about that one for a moment.

  9. •Dear Killjoys. You are the bane of my existence on this planet called Earth. You suck the joy out of everything. If you are one, well then... you know what to do... skip along now.

  10. •If you hate sarcasm, or don’t like my sense of humor, I recommend a different blog with a higher form of humor.

  11. •Although many posts will be tongue-in-cheek, this blog also reserves the right to be completely serious at times. If you don’t like the tone of certain posts, don’t read them. This blog is not just for you, it is for my other readers as well.

  12. •You may find that some of my posts contain inconsistencies in my writing style. This is because some subjects were written as far back as 2001 and my perspective was different then. I was one angry bitch, but time has turned me into a semi. Should explain why guys only get semis when I have sex with them.

  13. •Constructive criticism is welcome. And yes, you are entitled to your
    own opinion. Hell, if we all had the same opinions, we’d either be in heaven-utopia or in a permanent state of hellish boredom.

It’s inevitable that I will get haters out there. Serves me right for putting my stuff out there. After all, it comes with the territory. So go ahead and hate. Hate all you want. Hate me and my raccoon hairstyle and the balding patch at the back of my head. Hate me with my 22 toes. Hate me for the fact that I’m going deaf in one ear and that my right eye keeps twitching when I’m tired. Hell, this whole blog is about judging other people.

So I deserve it... But...

I also have the power to manipulate this blog in whichever way I please. And I can disable the comments section if I decide to do so. Hell, I can delete this entire blog if I want. And I can delete you and your mother. Damn, I feel powerful!

I’m a bad writer. My writing style is very conversational and casual. That’s how it is and I don’t think I’ll be changing my writing voice any time soon. I’m also a very unimaginative writer and my writing is devoid of any poignancy. And my vocabulary, you know, is like totally leaking out along with like my IQ, okay? I wish I were a brilliant writer, but alas, it just ain’t me. And forgive me if I repeat myself in my posts. And contradict myself from time to time. And ramble, there’s a reason why I’m prone to rambling - maybe I’ll tell you about that later... Ramble Ramble Ramble. There are still some human qualities inside this robot frame, so these habits of mine are a nasty human side-effect. So you can go ahead and criticize my writing, but it would be rather pointless, don’t you think? I’m quite self-aware that way.

That’s about all for now. Wish me luck. Or don’t.